lets start a swedish sibling band together
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
