i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize