So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
