why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
