i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
