I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
