You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
