She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
