How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
