You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
