Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
