they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
two words...techno handjob
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
