Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
