just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
