I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize