so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
