don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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