So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
