Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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