when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize