Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
