I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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