real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
