Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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