Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
