Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
