hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
