At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
