we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
