I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
