i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
