im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He? As in you personified your dick?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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