yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
