I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
