i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
