If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
