You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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