Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
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