Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
