I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
