Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
