Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
