Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
