I should be sponsored by Trojan
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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