I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
