That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize