Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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