she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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