yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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