Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
