Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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